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Right, this update is quite long, so you might want to come back and read it when you've actually got time...
So, basically, I didn't understand what I'd signed up for until we docked in Suape to take on fuel, but instead of trekking 1200 miles, the 9 of us were travelling about 1500 miles on a "team building" exercise down the eastern Brazilian coastline (including a flight from Salvador to Rio). I still threw caution to the wind and armed myself with Camera, camcorder, GPS and ipod. And now that we have come to the end of our little Brazilian adventure- here is some things I have discovered, or concluded about Brazil:
- Brazil is covered in palm trees, everywhere. Everything is green and beautiful.
- All Brazilians are happy, no matter what they live in or where they live
- Brazilians are the best dancers. Ever.
- Brazilians are NOT the best at football. (Cape Verde were better)
- All Brazilians should be banned from driving.
- Brazilians wear the smallest bikinis/tightest shorts in the world
PORTO DE GALINHAS (Port of chickens!)
So, got off the ship in Suape, close to Recife, with 8 others. We then got a minibus-taxi straight to Porto, where we were taken to our first hotel. The people there realised we were in desperate need of guidance, not knowing any Portuguese at all, so they introduced us to Lili, who spoke fluent English, and she ended up being our guide for the whole 26 hours we stayed there...
Porto is really touristy, but a really nice resort. The food we ate was really good too. They're really generous with it... infact they kept bringing more meat out until we physically had to stop in one place!
That first evening was really good. After having a couple of drinks at a local bar, we headed out to a party Lili told us about in the main square. It seemed like everyone was out, and there was a live band playing. As I so often do, having had a few drinks, showed off some of my latest dance moves. Fez joined me, and all of a sudden we were the centre of attention... Infact, so much so that security asked us to leave... we'd taken all the attention away from the band!? It was crazy- everyone was looking at us... Lili just told us to carry on though- so I obliged!
I couldn't understand why we got so much attention, but apparently, according to Lili, it was because we're so different to everyone, and also incredibly handsome.... (Well, I guess after that I did have some girls just grab me for a dance...) ...and I was being taught how to dance the proper Brazilian way! Not sure you could call it Samba though- the way I was dancing anyhow.... So well into the morning, and I went with Lili and friends to another bar playing music well into the morning. It had 2 bouncers heavily guarding a small garden gate in a hedgerow, found that rather amusing! Anyway, the dancing went on all night until we ended up down on the beach going for a swim at 5am... back to the hotel at 7am... Got woken up sometime after 9am, for our trek along the beach, some 10km! Not much to say except it provided some great photos, and led us to a beach buggy ride which was great fun! Also got some cool pictures of vultures swooping... they're as common in brazil as pigeons in England, but they look so much cooler!
Come 2pm, was time to move on. Lili sorted out a minibus taxi to take us all the way to MACEIO, our next planned stop.
MACEIO
The journey to Maceio was mental. It took 3 hours, but the driver was crazy. Overtaking 3 lorries on a blind hill is not clever, nor is forcing the opposing traffic off the road just to overtake! I'm not surprised 65,000 people die on the road in Brazil every year... So it was a little sleepless, but fast. We rucked up in Maceio and decided, since it was there, just to stay in the Ibis hotel on the seafront. We were hoping for more of the same in Maceio, but being winter, and a Monday night, the place was a little dead. Didn't stop a great game of beach football though, just outside the hotel, it was England V Brazil, as we took on a team of young Pele's! They were good, but we were better. Glad to straighten things out once and for all! After that, a quick wander up and down the main strip, realised we wouldn't be doing any more dancing, so we went to a classy looking bar for a drink, called it a night (as we were still reeling from Porto!), and got up early the next morning to figure out how we were going to get to VALENCA, south of Salvador by the evening... We didn't like the sound of a bus, but in the end we hired yet another minibus taxi to take us all to Valenca for about 1200 dib-dobs* (also known as Real dollars in this country, or about £400). A 600-mile or so journey that lasted 11 hours.
VALENCA
Valenca is a really poor place. We turned up at our hotel and it was pretty horrible. Mould all over the ceiling, a hole in the ceiling that you can see the roof tiles through, all the doorframes destroyed by woodworm... the list goes on. The town was pretty dead too. It was after 10pm when we decided to go for a quiet drink, in a small bar playing music by the very small harbour. The only reason we were staying here was because it was where we could catch a boat over to "Paradise island" the following morning. There was a local band playing on a rubbish casio keyboard... and some very bum-wiggly samba dancing going on... but we were tired and just wanted to relax a bit... but in areas where the culture is quite poor like this, you suddenly realise a few truths- and a local man who obviously saw 9 european guys sit down at a bar, came over bringing a girl that apparently could show us a good time for a (ludicrously) cheap price. Seeing that, and a local possy had just showed up nearby aswell, we upped-sticks and made for the hay as quickly as possible.
MORRO DE SAO PAULO (Paradise island)
From Valenca, we got a speedboat over to Paradise island, which took 40 minutes. Paradise island is just off the coast, and is surrounded by mangrove swamps. It IS the most beautiful place I've EVER been to. And the most romantic. To put it into context, if I could design the most amazing holiday island, for the purpose of a honeymoon, this would still be better. Obviously the small coved beaches were amazing, and with coconuts and palm trees all over the place.
Our hotel was actually on the beach... which also had bars and music... there's a lighthouse with a zip wire running down to the beach from a cliff (I wouldn't go near it), There's ruins of an old fort shrouded in palm trees and wildlife, and there are no cars. You either walk, catch a donkey, or get in a wheelbarrow taxi (though you'll probably prefer just to put your bags in there!) 
Everyone there is happy and relaxed, it is really quiet, the water is clear.... I can go on. We were there by 10am, and the person at reception got us booked on a "must see" round the island tour by speedboat. It was a must see. we were doing about 20 knots down these mangrove streams, surrounded by greenery, wildlife, flying fish and all sorts were jumping out of the water everywhere, and there were local fishermen in wooden fishing boats everywhere, catching fish the old-fashioned way. (I don't actually know how, but it looked old-fashioned).
We then stopped at a floating bar that sold oysters and spirits... But, it was literally just that, a floating platform, with 1 lady in her small hut with a hatch open... and no bridge to it at all. And no boat tied up... One does wonder what she must do when she has the call of nature...! After that was a stop on the most beautiful of paradise beach restaurants you will ever see. I bought a meal, which appeared to be a meal for 3 people when it arrived, but i didn't finish it, as half way through a stray dog came and kicked sand in it. Dogs do my head in.
The last stop on our tour was out at sea, on a coral, quite shallow, where we could go snorkeling and see lots of pretty little fishes! We also had a waterproof camera with us, conveniently...
After that little escapade, met 2 English girls called Dalia & Lizzy in an internet cafe. they were travelling too, from Sao Paulo up to here for their gap year. Anyway, I did the gentlemanly thing of asking them out to dinner with the 9 of us... found out later that they were also, like us, planning to go to Salvador the following morning. Interestingly, they said that this paradise island was similar to another place they visited- Ilha Grande, close to Rio... somewhere I was already considering too... Actually, some american girls moved into the hotel in the morning, and they had also been there and loved it. They were with a guy from Stratford in London. He is the world's laziest traveller. He looked scraggy and slightly off his head, and he'd been all around the world in the last 4 months, but couldn't really say anything about anywhere, because he never bothered to leave the hotels!
Paradise island was amazing- in the morning the 11 of us got a good deal on a powerboat that would take us straight to Salvador... we thought- until it turned out to be yet another minibus-taxi!
SALVADOR
Got a ferry over the estuary from the minibus to Salvador itself, and then got a taxi, which took us on a death trip to our hotel- I mean, there appears to be no need for road markings or lights or signs in Salvador, the taxis drive as fast as the engine will let them, and if 2 lanes are wide enough to fit 3 cars, they fit 3 cars! At the same time overtaking on blind corners by the edge of the cliff... There was no way we could relax! Our hotel was awful. Not that we needed a good one, but finding cockroaches in one room, getting electrocuted on 2 of the showerheads, not enough pillows, used condoms in the shower (all over the place actually), and hardcore brazilian porn playing 24/7 on the tv... kind of had all the signs that this place was used for a certain other seedy purpose... but to be honest, we were expecting not to stay for long as it should have been a big night out- I mean Salvador, apparently the east brazilian party capital!
Well, we dumped our stuff, and walked to where all the crowds seemed to be heading- there was a huge stage and a massive party atmosphere which looked awesome, but also there was so many people that we were staying very wary of pick-pockets. One guy who spoke english latched onto us, and showed us to a really nice restaurant. He also warned us to stick as close together as possible. That restaurant was about the only time of the evening that we were treated like normal people. Everywhere else we went, we were being watched, heads turned, kids asked us for money... we went back home to change and come back out to the party- but when we came back (about 11pm) it had all finished and they were all packing away! So instead we decided to look around and see if there was anywhere we could go. We did find some decent live music at a bar, sat down there for a while out in the street... but we drew so much attention from kids wanting money... some were very funny- there was one who could juggle coconuts the size of his head! ...but we had enough of it so moved on. There didn't seem to be anywhere open really- but as I stood for a moment in the main square, I made eye contact with a couple of girls- they came running over to us, followed by another 12 and were telling us desperately to come to a disco with them. sounds fine, except that as we were stood there they were trying to stroke us and fondle us... I found it a bit sick what was going on- not because they were offering themselves to us, but because a few of them were definitely younger than 16, and it was so blatant out in the middle of a big square- kind of like a brazilian culture slap in the face. I didn't realise it would be quite this bad... Anyway, we walked away from that situation and eventually found a small bar on a corner that was run by a guy from Norwich(!?). Safe and sound!
Obviously we'd got the wrong night to be out in Salvador. I think in the summer, with carnival atmosphere going on, it's probably amazing. There's some really good views there too. But, it's definitely a dangerous place if you're not careful. Drugs, prostitution and gangs are everywhere. We only had a few hours sleep and then got up at 4am (Friday 3rd July) to get a taxi to the airport to catch our flight to Rio, definitely hoping for a better experience there...!
*Naval terminology: dib-dobs is the term given to any foreign currency that isn't pounds sterling.
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